A Brief Recap

The most memorable parts of my birthday weekend were the train rides I took alone to and from my birthday dinner. No one should be the guest of honor and commute alone to their celebratory event. I hadn't planned to ride by myself, but I obviously hadn't planned enough to ensure that I wouldn't be alone during those crucial times. While I enjoyed my friends and time spent with my family at the dinner, and I really enjoyed the fun in Brooklyn with Sandy and Tute afterwards, I found the solitary train ride bookends reflective of my overall loneliness at this stage of my life.

Friends and family members are quick to point out my "accomplishments", yet those achievements fell short as I gracefully balanced my birthday presents on my lap through the long 2am trip from Brooklyn to Harlem. I thought about another year gone by feeling less glamorous and more worn out. I consoled myself by envisioning my 24th birthday celebration on the beach in Durban or at a fun club in Johannesburg. Perhaps a friend or family member will visit, and then they'd have to commute with me because they wouldn't be able to get around SA without me. Or maybe, by my 25th I'd have met a "friend" who would be delighted to attend to my pleasures that night, overseeing the drinks, location and fun for a seamless night of debauchery. Hopefully by my 30th birthday I will have finally settled down in a city, began the establishment of a professional career and balance my work with the right amount of play. With excitement, I started to ponder the limitless joy I could have in the future. Now I dread a lifetime of birthdays always looking forward to ease the pain of the present.