I can't sleep so I'll ramble

Today was a productive day. Tuesdays are the day of the week I have classes and it always leaves me feeling both drained and motivated at the same time. My courses motivate me to study, but then I get back to the room and surf the net and I'm back to the lazy world of procrastination. I'm really comfortable there, more than I've ever been before in my life. I have never been such a horrible student. I know in the end it'll get done, but will it be any good and do I even care?

Today instead of coming back after class and falling into my usual sloth state of website browsing, I went with Ikumi to visit the Benoni club and watch her give her presentation. She's way more into these pony shows then I am. She dresses up in traditional Japanese clothing with a kimono and slippers, and she gives out prizes and sings a song. I'm just boring with slides and I like it that way. She did get a cool thermos out of it, and to be honest, that's the reason why I want to go back and present at the club. Seriously though, they were a fun group of people with interesting questions about whether Japan had "traditional Japanese buildings or ones like in South Africa that are varied", they also asked Ikumi about whether she was the norm as an independent Japanese woman, "Aren't most of the women subsurvient, and cater to their husbands." I also got a free dinner and beer. I sorta have this older sister love/hate relationship with Rotarians and their clubs. One where I think the intent is good, and I think they are cute and fun to laugh at, but I really just want to sit them down and school them about their very inappropriate and elitist behavior. In reality we know that my relationship with Rotary is more of a benefactor/benefactee relationship whereby my place is to be the eccentric student who occassionally pays my dues by providing some dinner entertainment. The other scholars want to kiss Rotary's ass. I wish they knew that it wouldn't get them more money in the long run. I oftentimes also wish I wasn't the only Black person on the whole program this year. If Sonja doesn't visit, I will go mad around these fake ass do-gooders who make me want to scream, puke, scream some more and then just eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream while watching Sex and the City in my fat pants.

Ok enough of that bullshit.

I came back and Luke stopped by so we chilled and talked about his PhD proposal for a minute. Luke is impressive because he's a born again student -- from a very academic family, almost all of his immediate family and some extended have PhDs, but he wasn't necessarily motivated to be that great of student in college. He came to South Africa on an exchange winter break program, really liked it, and decided to come back for Masters and then PhD. He's a very dedicated and focused student now (well, in between partying and drinking, of course), mainly because he likes his topic. He says, "I don't understand people who complain about school at the Master's level. They can just do something else instead of studying." And he has a point, because it is a bit annoying to always be bitching about something you spend so much time doing -- which is why I quit the horrible job in corporate America and lounged my way into bad credit before I came to SA. Now that I'm here, instead of bitching about school work, or even ignoring it, I should be focusing and relishing my free year to try to get my credit back to something decent while I get a degree of higher learning.

Fuck, that wasn't my point. My point was: I feel what Luke is saying because education is definitely a gift and a privilege, and those who have a choice usually can choose to work in the "real world" instead of spending their money going back to school. Those who are working menial jobs to pay bills and support themselves, and who would prefer to study, don't necessarily have the financial option to just quit and spend their time debating on what topic to write a paper on. After seeing Luke so focused on his topic and talking with him about his research questions, I was inspired to go back to an activity I love dearly as well: catching up on celebrity and hip hop gossip at C+D and Nah Right. Damn, I love those blogs!

And on nights like these, when I find myself unable to sleep, I like to write out all the bullshit floating around in my head. Other times, I design fictional websites. Lately I've been wishing that Ann would write another book soon so I'd have something good to read.